1 year ago from today...

In this day of rememberance, I revisted the caring bridge site that I did for my dad and read all the postings from Sept.24th to today. That truly brought me back to those days and how real it all was. Eventhough it often feels like it was all a bad dream, I still remember it as clear as day. After yesterday and the whirlwind of feelings, this section of a posting was the one that stood out to me the most.

"I know this for a fact that my dad will be forever alive in our hearts. I also know that we will feel, see and hear him for the rest of the days of our lives. He will be near guiding us, supporting us, protecting us and loving us. He will never let go of us nor will we ever let go of him. He will forever be our guardian angel."

My dad stayed true to his promise to me. When he was passing away I told him that it was ok for him to go, but I just asked that when I call out for him that he comes to be near to me. The night before the marathon while I was laying in bed, I had a true connection with my dad. I cried out for him and instantly I felt a warmth come over my body. As I was shouting out, "I love you dad" I could hear his voice so clearly in my head saying, "I love you too Lace". At that moment, I knew that everything was going to be ok.

Before I knew it, my alarm went off and it was time to get ready for the big day. My first tears of the day were shed as soon as I entered the kitchen and saw a card waiting for me on the table. It was from my roommate Kim and the words within were so touching. It warmed my heart to have the love of such a great friend and the tears just burst out when I saw the amount of her donation. From somebody I know that works hard and still struggles, but yet generously gives of the what she has is truly humbling. From the bottom of my heart, thank you kim and I love you!!

The skies were gloomy as I stepped out the door and it was chilly, but I felt refreshed and ready to go. However, when I got to Michelle's house (my running partner) it all hit me that this was really happenning. I started to get nervous, shaky and short of breath. However, I didn't have much time to worry, because we were running late and actually didn't get to the start point until 5 minutes before the race. We had to use the biffy before we started and boy was that a grueling process. You hear the time clock clicking behind you and the people seem to take forever in there. By the time Michelle and I finally got done with our business, the time clock said 2 minutes and we ran towards the start line. With the crowd of thousands of people standing around me and hearing the roars of the cheers, I just broke down. What a feeling that came over me, indescribeable.

The run started out great, it was like I was running on air. To be running alongside so many people and to hear the spectator's cheers kept me going strong. However, I know that my dad was also feeling all the emotions that I was because the rain just started to pour down so quickly. Eventhough it was no fun to run in the cold rain, I just saw it all as my dad's tears. I even told Michelle, "No worries...he'll get over it soon". However, he must've had a lot to get out because it just kept on raining and raining. I guess we did prove those weather forecasters wrong, but not exactly in our favor. In my head I kept on telling my dad, "It's ok...no more crying now" and I prayed for the sun to shine down on us. My efforts didn't work so well, because by the time we got to mile 7 we were soken wet and freezing. Thoughts of doubt started entering our heads and we just couldn't stop thinking how we couldn't do another 20 miles in these conditions.

I was commenting to Michelle that we should have her parents get us plastic bags the next time we see them and she was thinking hte exact same thing. Thank goodness for Michelle's brilliance, because we couldn't wait any longer. We actually took the extra bags at the recycle bins and made holes for our head and arms and instantly felt 100x better. That definitely helped to keep the warm in and the rain out. We didn't go to St. Ben's for nothing...eh??!!! Our shoes were like lakes inside, but to be honest it was kind of refreshing. It was so funny how the spectators would cheer for us by either saying "Go.. bag ladies, garbage bag girls or trash bags". I don't care what I looked like, because as soon as I had that bag I felt hopeful again and felt the end in sight for us. I also feel blessed that the bags were clear, because people were still able to read my shirt and shout out, "Run for CJD". It especially kept me going when people would say, "Keep running for him".

I truly believe that it wasn't me running for him, but him running for me. He came over me. Through all the rain and cold he brought me through. I was flying! When I saw my mom, step-dad, uncle, step-mom and cousin I just fell into their arms weeping. What a comfort it was to see them there supporting me. At that point, I truly needed to feel their love and the warmth of their embrace. Thank yous so much!

My knee started to give me pain around mile 10, but I took some tylenol and just kept on going. However, Michelle had some really bad knee pain that didn't seem to go away. She said that she has never ran a marathon in so much pain. Even after ditching the bags at mile 15 things didn't get better and I just kept on praying for her. She actually told me to go ahead of her and eventhough it was difficult to separate, I went ahead praying for her the entire way. Not once, did I feel alone during the last 10 miles. I was off in my own world...truly on a high. Thank goodness the rain subsided by then and I could actually focus on all the people around me. Wow...what a motivation that was. The fans were great and I can't tell you how much it helped me along the way. It was also great to hear music along the course. I rocked out to YMCA, Born in the USA, Shoop, etc. Fun times!! There were definitely some interesting runners out there. I passed this man who I guess always runs the twin cities marathon and carries a tall american and veterans flag the entire way. What strength! I also passed by several people in their 70 & 80's going strong. There was even a man who was 83 and running is 300th marathon. I guess he has run a marathon in every state! Wowzers. I also talked in Spanish to two people from Mexico and that was a fun time. I told them that they were loco to come all the way to Minnesota to run a marathon. If I had a choice...I would've picked a warmer state. However, they disagreed and said it is truly a beautiful city. I guess they are right!

Another relief for me were the jolly ranchers that people were handing out. Those definitely kept my mind occupated. When I got to mile 20 and drank some water and gatorade, I actually could feel the sensitivity in my teeth. My mouth was too sugared up! It felt so good to go through the tunnel at the 20 mile mark and know that the end was in sight. However, it didn't feel good when people would say how many more miles I had left. I often heard cheers saying "you are almost done, only 4 more miles to go...etc". After running 22 miles, 4 seems like an eternity away. However, before I knew it I was at the 2 mile mark and there was my family once again to keeping me going. My step-mom and sister actually ran with me for several blocks. That was a great encouragement! Thank you! As I ran down the hill towards the capitol and crossed the finish line, I just looked around in disbelief. My dad was with me the whole time pushing me along. That wasn't me running that marathon, but him. He took over my body and we flew high. I finished in 4 hours and 37 minutes which definitely exceeded my expectations. I didn't see anybody I knew at the finish line so I kind of walked around lost in my thoughts and feelings. Michelle came in only 10 minutes later and I rushed back to give her a big hug. I cried in her arms...we made it!!

The euphoric feeling stayed with me through the rest of the day. Many of my friends and family were at my house to greet me and that was just what I needed. We embraced, we cried, and we laughed. It was a great time and the food was delicious! I even had myself 2 beers! I guess that didn't help to bring me down from my runners high. My family left around 7pm and I quickly cleaned up and went straight to bed! I was exhausted and I definitely slept like a baby.

However, as I woke up this morning I felt the after affects of running 26.2 miles. My knees are killing me and my hips ache. I can hardly walk down the stairs. Thank goodness I took today off. There is no way I would've been able to keep up with those rowdy kindergarteners today. Instead, I'm going to spend this day in rememberance of my dad and do all that I can to be present with him. I'm going to meet my step-mom this afternoon and we are going to go up to the veteran's hospital where my father spent the last week of his life. Jenifer is going to donate a painting, visit the nurses and walk around the grounds. It looks like it is going to be a sunnier day than yesterday. I will probably also stop by my sister's house to be with her and the baby. From there, I will head home and pop in the video of my dad and hopefully sleep tight knowing that he is free and happy.

I don't know how to express to all of you how thankful I am for your all your support along the way. It truly means the world to me. The marathon is over, but the journey is not. I continue to ask for your thoughts and prayers, especially for today. Please keep my family and I close as we grieve together today. My happiness fill our hearts as we remember that, " my dad will be forever alive in our hearts...we will feel, see and hear him for the rest of the days of our lives. He will be near guiding us, supporting us, protecting us and loving us. He will never let go of us nor will we ever let go of him. He will forever be our guardian angel."

Much love,
Lacy